The Three Pillars of Family Relationship

Elder Ballard counseled in his 2009 talk that fathers should LISTEN to their sons. He did not counsel to do so passively, but actively listen and show them that they are heard and understood. This counsel applies to both sons and daughters, all children. If parents, both mothers and fathers, do not listen, they will miss important things the children are trying to communicate.

Losing family members to immorality, whether it is gangs or poor friend choices or drugs and more, parents need to reassess and repent, change to open up to their children by listening to them. The most important step in the repentance process, acknowledging a committed sin, helps to avoid allowing the failings of life to negatively color sensitive and important relationships. 

The Gospel Is About Relationships

​Everything is about relationships—with God and with each other. Looking at the commandments in the scriptures, the two most important commandments according to Jesus Christ describe relationships: love of God and love of each other. [Matthew 22:37–40]

Speaking generally about love, Robert Orton of the Quorum of the Seventy of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said in his talk entitled “The First and Great Commandment”:

"Our eternal progression leans heavily on the degree to which we love. Webster defines love as the “unselfish, loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another; an affection based on admiration, benevolence or common interests” (Longman Webster English College Dictionary, overseas edition).

And Moroni treats as synonymous the terms “pure love of Christ” and “charity” (see Moro. 7:47). We can best demonstrate our love to God by keeping His commandments. And we can show our love to God and neighbor by charitable acts of service."

The most charitable act that parents can do for their loved ones is by keeping the commandments, which is to honor family relationships. ​

Three Pillars of Relationship

I have developed my own hierarchical interpretation of relationship importance. Three relationships in my estimation are the most important:

1. A relationship with God (The most important of the three significant relationships.) 
2. A relationship with  spouse—husbands and wives. 
3. A relationship with children. 

Those three pillars of emotional attachment stand as eternal beacons of necessity for happiness to reign supreme in life. However, there is a caveat to the three pillars. Relationships evolve and are meant to change.

The relationships between parents and children change over time as they find their spouses with whom they will link in their own triad of connections. At that point, parental relationship with them becomes extended family (which is number four, though it is not listed). Until that point, it is parental privilege to foster strong connections of love, trust, and respect. 

Family for Eternity

As a Saint, the knowledge that family relationships can last for eternity brings with it certain psychological truths and obligations that may not seem as apparent to those who do not espouse a belief that family relationships, the love from those relationships, can transcend time. 

Popular culture depicts broken families, dysfunctional as the abyss, are relationships from which to escape into associations (new families) of our choosing with friends or organizations. Gone are the days where society commonly held the value of family, a group that cannot be chosen. 

Modern Family

Now, family is only who you choose and only those who accept your actions no matter how wrong—invalidating the birth family who may question your life choices. Constantly bombarding the societal psyche with that view in television, movies, and written material eventually filters into the collect sense of human normalcy. The divorce rate being what it is and the lack of men and women who commit to marriage is bound to affect the relationships of parents and children negatively.

Dissonance with a spiritual understanding of what God wants for families and what the world shows what family is supposed to be, creates anxiety that perniciously hacks at the eternal truths about parent/child relationships. Lot begged for Sodom, I beg for the world to be spared if there are ten good people who remember the true importance of family. 

Satan has a plan that is so perfectly balanced and methodical that it tears at the fabric of humanity without most knowing. He can influence how the family plays into life by playing down the value of familial relationships. Once he destroys the family, all else fails with it.

Family. It's About Time.

"There is no other relationship quite like that which can and should exist between a boy and his dad. It can be one of the most nurturing, joyful relationships in life, one that can have a profound impact on who boys become and also on who dads become."
Fathers and Sons: A Remarkable Relationship
M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Young women, your mothers adore you. They see in you the promise of future generations. Everything you accomplish, every challenge you overcome brings them pure joy. And likewise your worries and heartaches are their worries and heartaches.
Mothers and Daughters
M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles